7 Things My Mama Told Me
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If you’re looking for eloquent words of inspiration, this may not be the post for you. My momma was a plain spoken woman – she called things as she saw them. As simple as these phrases might seem, they help keep me on track, and I’ve shared them with my kids, too. I also remember her for her sense of humor. She was a bit of a joker – like me. 🙂 (Thus the photo above.) Here are 7 things my mama told me, which I also tell to my kids.
1. All clumsy flesh must come off.
Yep, you read that right. Mom wasn’t one to be lavish in her pity or praise. If you were clumsy or careless enough to cut or otherwise injure yourself, it was their responsibility. Losing a little flesh was a reminder to pay attention to what you were doing. Patch it up, get back to work, and skip the pity party.
2. If someone leaves hungry, it’s their own darn fault.
Mom always had something to eat when folks dropped in for a visit – expected or unexpected. The food was simple, but good, and always abundant. We may have lived below the poverty line, but with the farm and garden, we never went hungry, and neither did our guests. To me, it’s the worst sort of bad manners to invite folks over for supper and not have enough food. You come by my place, and I’ll treat you right, and share the bounty of our gardens and other real food.
3. Sh*t or get off the pot.
We had six kids and one bathroom, so this one was literal as well as figurative. When stuff needed to be done, you did it. You didn’t sit there and talk about it for hours, you didn’t make excuses, you just made it happen.
4. Nobody’s going to buy the cow if they can get the milk for free.
This one was a warning to her daughters about the having sex before marriage. If you value yourself too cheaply, others will, too. I think this is worth remembering with regards anything you do. If you don’t value and respect your own efforts, no one else will, either.
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5. You made your bed, you lie in it.
Each individual is responsible for their own actions. If we screwed up, it was our responsibility to make it right.
6. If someone doesn’t like the way my house looks, they can clean it for me. If they don’t like the clothes I’m wearing, they can buy me some new ones.
Mom was never big on keeping up appearances. It wasn’t that she didn’t like beautiful things – she was quite a talented artist – she just didn’t have a lot of time or money to spare to afford them, and it wasn’t a priority. I have definitely inherited her attitude. My clothes are more functional the fashionable, and my house is only cleaned when needed, not on a schedule.
7. It’s hell to get old.
Mama lived this. For the last ten years of her life, she battled some strange autoimmune skin problem that created a red, itchy rash on her face. My sister took her to doctors all over our state and the neighboring one – I even sent her medical records to China since we had a Chinese exchange student at the time and the student’s mom offered to help. Mom also battled myotonic muscular dystrophy, which weakened her limbs and made it hard to for her to walk, let alone do the things she loved like gardening and baking. When she finally passed, she went with a smile on her face, and I knew she wasn’t hurting any more.
Mama’s health problems are a big reason that I started researching natural health, and that I share what I find in my blog. I wish I had known then what I know now – maybe she wouldn’t have had to go through hell on earth?
I can’t change the past, but maybe I can help my friends and loved ones in the future, and maybe I can help others. If I can at least do something, anything… I wouldn’t feel so blasted helpless.
It’s been over two years since mom passed away, but I still find myself dialing her number on the phone sometimes. This time of year I think of her often, as we always worked side by side in the garden, and used to swap stories (and plants) when we couldn’t garden together. I still dream about her in the garden at times.
Do you have any phrases that your parents or grandparents have passed along? I’d love to hear them.
hi,
I’d like to add a few “sayings” to your mom’s list. I heard all of your sayings growing up in WI to a Slovak dad who dairy farmed most of his life. His favorite was”Horseplay is Horseshit.” We kids heard it alot, especially my brothers to remind us not to try too many stupid tricks or someone or something will get hurt or broken. Mom always said “Life isn’t fair so get used to it.” Great no nonsense advice. My neighbor says ” You look busier than a 1 armed paperhanger in a 40 mile an hour wind.” Also, “He’s all hat, no cattle.” A reference to those people with a few backyard animals who think they are farmers. My 7th grade teacher would say, “Empty tin cans rattle the most.” That was for the kids who talked too much and really didn’t say anything pertinent to the situation. Thanks for reading!
Those are great! I had heard the “one armed paper hanger” quip, but without the “40 mile an hour wind” part. I’ve certainly met plenty of “all hat” folks over the years, too.
Thanks for sharing.
thought of another one mom used to say: its hell to old, thought it was supposed to be the golden years, but they’re tarnished brass!!! how true, how true……now in 70s, and see what she meant, sure wish folks were here….
boy, laurie, these sayings sure bring back some of my own mom’s sayings, or grandma’s!!!! Lets have some more…….and I still use them today! My regret, and I hope if your grandparents, parents, anyone like that is still living, get as much LIFE info from them as you can, write down sayins, recipes, thoughts, and so on…..document this stuff for posterity’s sake,,mine are all gone, but some memories are still there, some are gone, and I regret not taking advantage of learning everything and writing it down while they were alive….like their depression recipes, for living and food, washing, etc.
You sound like you have a great family, wish I still had mine, and we had a place like yours where everyone could live if needed, grow own foods, put foods by, and so on….God bless you and yours, stay well and safe and enjoy/cherish the times you have together.
Don’t really remember many sayings but how she lived. Always singing while she worked, always busy taking care of ‘everyone’. Nobody was wanting anything if she knew about it. She could do anything and did. 1st to come to an event last to go…. Loads of common sense and practicable. Her hands were always busy with something and the cookie jar was never empty. When I was a teen i didn’t want to be like her now i long to be like her. A wonderful loveable lady, I spooooo miss her.
She sounds like a wonderful woman.
Both of my parents passed away many years ago. They both had some pithy expressions, truisms & aphorisms. Some made lots of sense & some left you scratching your head. My dad’s favorites: Lay down with dogs, get up with fleas. (meaning that whomever you associate with will affect your reputation for better or worse)
Another was: You wouldn’t p*ss in my ear & tell me it’s raining would you? (meaning he doubted your veracity, lying to him was p*ssing in his ear)
Yet another: A fresh coat of paint covers many evils. (meaning? I think he meant that if you mess up it’s better to start from scratch & go onward from there)
The one that we could never understand or get him to explain: Happier than a dead hog in a branch… (a branch is a creek) How can anything that’s dead be happy to be in a creek??? Non sequitur…
My mom’s were more common & many of them have been posted in the article & in the comments. I really miss my parents deeply even decades later. I still think to myself that I would love to be able to thrash out some problem of mine with my parents’ input & advice. It’s been 24-30 years since they passed away & at odd moments the grief still feels fresh.
I have never heard the dead hog quote. You got me on that one, too. I suspect there’s a missing story to go with it.
I know what you mean about missing them. I used to call mom every Saturday without fail, just to hash over everything that happened during the week. There’s just nothing like talking things over with a parent.
I just remembered a couple of my mom’s favorite expressions: Marry in haste, repent at leisure. She wasn’t really talking about a poor choice of spouses. She meant that making life changing decisions requires due diligence & sober consideration. The other one is a little more critical: “As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.” She was the daughter & granddaughter of Southern Baptist ministers, so she knew her way around the Bible. If she thought any of her kids were being wrong-headed or foolish she busted out with this gem of a scold… I can remember thinking that I couldn’t get that image out of my head… Ick!!! The really memorable one was a warning to her daughters about not wearing a bra… We grew up in the 1960s… Bra-less was fashionable. My mom thought that was just awful so she told us girls that if we didn’t wear a bra, by the time we were in our 40s our breasts would reassemble a golf ball in a sock… Yuck! That had us strapping on a bra whether we liked it or not.
Your mom sounds like she knew how to motivate people. Nothing like a good vomit reminder…
Yeah, my mom liked to use visual imagery. I guess it was a legacy of being related to ministers. She had a wonderful, descriptive way of speaking that always called up mental images. (some weren’t always so pleasant though) She always got her point across clearly. I suppose if it weren’t so memorable, I wouldn’t recall her advice so clearly after all these years. She was also always supportive of her kids. She reminded us frequently that we could accomplish anything if we worked hard enough. She was the hardest working woman I’ve ever known. I truly believe that there was nothing she couldn’t do if she set her mind to it. An example: My mom decided that she had been remiss in not teaching her girls how to knit. She herself didn’t know how to knit. So… She set out to learn how to knit so she could teach us… The only kink is that the woman who taught her to knit was English… My mom didn’t know that Europeans knit differently than Americans. So all my life I’ve had to mentally convert American knitting to English knitting. I didn’t know about the differences until a few American knitters started telling me that my knitting method was all wonky & weird. (they had never seen European knitters in action) Growing up in my family was never boring… 🙂
That’s a wonderful story. While not the most convenient, it’s a lasting memory.
LOVE the part about the bra….well girls, regardless of whether you did, do or didnt, those boobs are gonna fall anyway, part of growing older and gravity…..lol!
Great read! I remember when I was young expressing out load a plot i had devised to get even for someone who wronged me. My mom listened and warned me “Be careful who you dig a hole for. You might fall in yourself” I found this to be very true.
Wise mother.
Every one of those expressions were heard often in my home with 4 sisters around. My mother passed away 20 years ago but hardly a day goes by that I don’t think of her. when I sew, bake bread, knit – all of these things remind me of the lady who taught me how to survive. I hope I did as well with my daughter and son.
It sounds like your mom left a strong legacy.