7 Things My Mama Told Me
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If you’re looking for eloquent words of inspiration, this may not be the post for you. My momma was a plain spoken woman – she called things as she saw them. As simple as these phrases might seem, they help keep me on track, and I’ve shared them with my kids, too. I also remember her for her sense of humor. She was a bit of a joker – like me. 🙂 (Thus the photo above.) Here are 7 things my mama told me, which I also tell to my kids.
1. All clumsy flesh must come off.
Yep, you read that right. Mom wasn’t one to be lavish in her pity or praise. If you were clumsy or careless enough to cut or otherwise injure yourself, it was their responsibility. Losing a little flesh was a reminder to pay attention to what you were doing. Patch it up, get back to work, and skip the pity party.
2. If someone leaves hungry, it’s their own darn fault.
Mom always had something to eat when folks dropped in for a visit – expected or unexpected. The food was simple, but good, and always abundant. We may have lived below the poverty line, but with the farm and garden, we never went hungry, and neither did our guests. To me, it’s the worst sort of bad manners to invite folks over for supper and not have enough food. You come by my place, and I’ll treat you right, and share the bounty of our gardens and other real food.
3. Sh*t or get off the pot.
We had six kids and one bathroom, so this one was literal as well as figurative. When stuff needed to be done, you did it. You didn’t sit there and talk about it for hours, you didn’t make excuses, you just made it happen.
4. Nobody’s going to buy the cow if they can get the milk for free.
This one was a warning to her daughters about the having sex before marriage. If you value yourself too cheaply, others will, too. I think this is worth remembering with regards anything you do. If you don’t value and respect your own efforts, no one else will, either.
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5. You made your bed, you lie in it.
Each individual is responsible for their own actions. If we screwed up, it was our responsibility to make it right.
6. If someone doesn’t like the way my house looks, they can clean it for me. If they don’t like the clothes I’m wearing, they can buy me some new ones.
Mom was never big on keeping up appearances. It wasn’t that she didn’t like beautiful things – she was quite a talented artist – she just didn’t have a lot of time or money to spare to afford them, and it wasn’t a priority. I have definitely inherited her attitude. My clothes are more functional the fashionable, and my house is only cleaned when needed, not on a schedule.
7. It’s hell to get old.
Mama lived this. For the last ten years of her life, she battled some strange autoimmune skin problem that created a red, itchy rash on her face. My sister took her to doctors all over our state and the neighboring one – I even sent her medical records to China since we had a Chinese exchange student at the time and the student’s mom offered to help. Mom also battled myotonic muscular dystrophy, which weakened her limbs and made it hard to for her to walk, let alone do the things she loved like gardening and baking. When she finally passed, she went with a smile on her face, and I knew she wasn’t hurting any more.
Mama’s health problems are a big reason that I started researching natural health, and that I share what I find in my blog. I wish I had known then what I know now – maybe she wouldn’t have had to go through hell on earth?
I can’t change the past, but maybe I can help my friends and loved ones in the future, and maybe I can help others. If I can at least do something, anything… I wouldn’t feel so blasted helpless.
It’s been over two years since mom passed away, but I still find myself dialing her number on the phone sometimes. This time of year I think of her often, as we always worked side by side in the garden, and used to swap stories (and plants) when we couldn’t garden together. I still dream about her in the garden at times.
Do you have any phrases that your parents or grandparents have passed along? I’d love to hear them.
When a task is once begun never leave it til its done–Do the labor great or small–Do it well or not at all. This was my mothers favorite saying to me as i was growing up.
My Mom’s Favorite was “Don’t be so dramatic!” She had no tolerance for BS.
I think my Mom and yours would have gotten along very well together!
I just discovered your page today Thanks to Raising Auggy….
I will be back, often! Thanks!
Another great post honoring your mother! She clearly was an amazing woman based on the one daughter of hers that I’m privileged to know. :^)
So great to hear from everyone, and to learn that there are a lot of “no nonsense” parents and grandparents out there.
Great post! My mother is still living, but suffered a massive stroke in 1990, has been paralyzed and speech affected ever since. However, I certainly remember a few of her “one-liners” –
“Don’t assume or you’ll make an ass out of u and me.” Ass/U/Me for those who’ve never heard that one.
“Two wrongs don’t make a right”. I find myself saying that to my own daughters on occasion when one says “But SHE started it!!” or something to try to explain why they just had to pull the other one’s hair or take their teddy bear or what have you.
My mom said some of the same little ditties that your lovely mama said too – “Sh*t or get off the pot”, “You make your bed, you lay in it” and such.
I think I”m going to use the “why buy the cow when you can get the milk free” one with my own daughters…hmmm. 😉
Thanks for posting and sharing. 🙂
Laurie –
Honey – you & I are both blessed to have had such special Moms in our life.
What a wonderful tribute to your mother! Mine is still living but I still find myself telling my kids the same advice she always said. One thing that stands out is “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” Meaning, just because he hit you, hitting back doesn’t make it ok. Also, “As long as he’s picking on you, he’s leaving everybody else alone.” Meaning quit whining and be thankful it’s not worse.
Thanks for sharing.
What a lovely post; my granny used to say ‘shit or get off the pot’ too. Another of hers was “Now you’re cooking with gas”…. a hint I think of her younger days when many folks in New Mexico territory still cooked on wood stoves. Meant now you were fine and fancy. I especially love #6, that is sooo my attitude!
Mom used to say “Now you’re cooking with gas” once in a while, too. Her mom cooked on a wood stove, so gas was a step up. She also used to say sometimes that someone needed something like “Carters need liver pills”. When I was younger, I thought this was some strange reference to Jimmy Carter, but later I found out there was a company named Carters that manufactured some sort of liver tonic pills.
Wow, Laurie, this stuff is great! Some of it is very similar to my own memories of my mom & her mom, tho the beautiful gingerbread houses were swapped for amazing quilts, some of which we still have & my sister, MaryJo, has been rebuilding for the family. She did save one for me to do…it will be my first ever quilt. Yikes! Did your mom sew too? That seems to be the country woman’s trifecta… cooking, gardening, sewing.
PS. We had 1 bathroom for 7 people, 5 of which were girls. Fortunately there was a shower in the basement, but not surprising, no curling irons or makeup in the bathroom…is why we always did and still look so plain! 🙂
Brenda – your story reminds me of one of my close friends, Julie. 12 kids, one bathroom, and a shower in the basement. She was the youngest so she always had the worst times to use the bathroom. 🙂
Good job sis!! Loved it and love you.
Im still young and just starting off on my own. My mother is my best friend, I call her with all my problems, from “how to I make the boxed macaroni and cheese sauce stretch” to advice on very serious matters. I honestly cant imagine a day where I cant call my mom. Her best advice for me when going through any ordeal is ” if its not okay, its not the end” I love that woman dearly.
Wow, what a lovely tribute to your mother, she sounds like she was a lovely person. I’m so sorry for your loss. I, too, lost my mom last year (August) and I miss her immensely. I try not to think too much about her, it just really hurts to think I won’t see her again until heaven (at least I’ve got that :).
Anyway—love your mom’s sayings. The one my mom used to say to me is, “This is only a temporary situation.” It really helps me through things when I’m able to think that next week things will be different, or whatever.
Beautiful post…and I was laughing so hard, but also shaking my head in agreement, because your mom’s advice so GOOD and full of common sense 🙂 🙂 🙂 I’m sorry that she’s no longer with you, but it looks like you are honoring her by sharing the things you loved best about her 🙂 🙂 It’s certainly made my day/encouraged me today 🙂 🙂 Love and hugs from the ocean shores of California, Heather 😉
I grew up with all those truths and more. One of the things my mother would say, when she would hear of an upcoming marriage, was, “Nothing new but the nightclothes!” She had four daughters, and on date night, she’d remind us, “Keep your feet on the floor”. But my favorite came from HER mother, who was a real treasure: “It’s an ill wind that blows no good”. Meaning, almost everything that happens, no matter how bad, has something good that comes out of it. Hard to see when you’re living it, but when it’s past and you can look back on it, you can say, “You know, if that hadn’t happened, ……”
I was once told that when you dream of someone, it’s because they are trying to communicate with you from the other side. Lots of people say that’s idiocy. But does anyone really know for sure?
That’s a beautiful article, Laurie. Your mother sounds like she was an amazing woman! How blessed you are.
Beautiful post Laurie:)
” Your age makes you wrong”. It was dad’s way of telling us, that while we were allowed to voice our opinion sometimes, we had darn well do it with respect. And ultimately, my parents had final say.
What a touching story!
I know!
Sometimes you need a kick in the hiney! Or…a ton of them!
Aww. The last paragraph brought tears to my eyes. You can tell you love your mom a lot. I’m the ‘baby’ of five children and I’m now 50. I find myself calling my mom up for just about any advice I need and I’ll miss her terribly when I can no longer do that.
My favorite things she says which she claims her grandma said to her are:
“It’ll all come out in the wash,” and “You’re going to dry up and blow away if you don’t eat some more!” 🙂
WOW.
We must be sister from unutha mister!
But…with a TWIST!
It wasn’t my mom who taught me how to “wash” myself, it was my Dad. Is it strange that he taught me how to shave my bikini line?
Probably not! I mean…it’s my DAD! Dad’s are not creepy…
My mom alway kept on me about eating too!
She used to say, “Heddy” (my nickname), stop eating like a bird! Open your mouth wide and shove that sh*t down your throat like a MAN”!
I love you, mom…
Where ever you are. .
My Guardian Angel!
When I messed up sewing or trying to cook, my Granny would always say, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” As a child, I hated to hear her say that…it meant I couldn’t get mad…lol….wish I could hear Granny’s words of wisdom now! Grandpa would say I was “as independent as a hog on ice” meaning I didn’t know when to ask for help and was too proud. Both told me “pretty is as pretty does” plus a dozen other sayings to remind me to always be considerate of others feelings. Such wise people, my Grandparents. Now that I’m a Grandma, my grandsons hear their sayings….lol
So sweet to read Laurie- I can hear and feel the love bond you shared with your special and talented mother.
My Dad died in an auto accident on icy roads at age 31. I recall riding horse with him- very fast while feeling very safe and thrilled. Anytime I see or smell a horse, I smile! Even at age 7 I was sure of his love and I miss him often even these 31 years later!
Lisa – what a wonderful memory.